Ah. Romance. The thing is, it’s always a bit of a difficult subject for us blokes, isn’t it? I mean, chocolates, maybe a meal out, fine. Flowers if there’s been an argument. Big flowers if we won. But the slushy stuff? Not easy in real life, is it? I suppose that some of us possibly find it easier to write than to live. I’m not sure quite how my fellows have performed in this challenge, and all I can do us offer up my own poor attempt at showing some emotional angst.
Here, Dai the bass player for The Banned Underground has been lured away by the Dark Lord’s receptionist, who also happens to be a dragon. Suddenly, she needs his help…
Gloria hastened down the stone steps, occasionally glancing behind her to see if she was being followed. Although she could see no one, she was convinced that she kept hearing stealthy footsteps. At last she reached the iron-bound door and dealt with the complicated lock. Shadows seemed to flicker on the stairs and she snarled in anger. Smoke curled from her nostrils.
“Gloria? Is that you?” Dai called sleepily from within his cellar.
“Yes,” hissed Gloria, still watching the stairs.
“I had such a weird dream.”
“Yes?” hissed Gloria.
“I dreamed that you opened the door, and said: ‘Dai, we’re in terrible trouble’.”
“Dai, we’re in terrible trouble,” said Gloria.
“Yes, that’s it Gloria. Good dream, isn’t it?”
“Dai, we’re in terrible trouble.”
“I love it when you pay attention to what I’m saying.”
“This isn’t a dream!”
“You didn’t say that.”
“Dai! Will you wake up!”
“I am awake, Gloria. Well, sort of. Maybe.”
“I need your help, Dai.”
“And I need you, Gloria.”
“Dai, I’m serious. We’re in trouble.”
Gloria blushed, and her human disguise vanished. Too shocked to speak, she just shook her head mutely. Dai looked disappointed for a moment, then leapt over the settee and grabbed her for a cuddle.
“Dai, stop it!”
Dai looked bemused. “Gloria, what’s wrong?”
“I keep telling you, we’re in terrible trouble. We need your help.”
“We?” asked Dai.
“The Boss. And me. We need you, Dai.”
“Wait up, The Boss? If it’s Springsteen, I was born to run!”
“No. My boss.”
“The one who dragon napped me?”
“He’s born to ruin, instead.”
“Dai, it’s all going wrong.” To his amazement, Gloria started to cry, great big tears that rolled down her face and dripped off her chin onto the floor where they smoked.
“Er…” said Dai. Then Gloria fell into his arms. Actually, in the interests of truth and veracity, she fell onto his chest and he wrapped his arms around her in an instinct known to every bloke who doesn’t want to get told that he is unsympathetic and without empathy or understanding.
“Oh Dai, say you’ll help!” Gloria looked up into his eyes. “I’ll be ever so grateful.” Her eyes misted with unshed tears.
“Oh yes. Dai, say you will, oh pleeeeeeaaaaaseeeee.”
“Gloria, I’ll do anything for you, love.”
“But you won’t do that?”
“You know the Boss had a plan to take over the Helvyndelve?”
“Yes, Gloria. You wanted me to help him.”
“Well, he got some blokes from India to help him out as well.”
“Currying favour, were they?”
“Suppose so. Anyway, they are revolting.”
“Probably the curry. You have to go to the right place, you know.”
“They’ve taken the Boss prisoner. I think they’ve killed Henry, and Ned and his mates are still away. I’m terrified they will hurt the Boss.”
“This is the man who kidnapped me and wanted to blackmail me into helping his evil scheme?”
“He’s such a lovely man. Just misunderstood. He keeps rabbits, you know.”
“In a hutch, I suppose.”
“Prisoners of the Evil Dark Lord!” exclaimed Dai.
“Dai, they are rabbits. They live in hutches,” explained Gloria.
“And he experiments on them, I suppose.”
“Dai, will you help him? For me?”
Dai looked into her eyes and was lost.
“What do we do?” he asked.
“Oh Dai, I knew I could rely on you!” Gloria grabbed Dai, and when they broke apart the temperature in the cellar had caused two of the magazines scattered on the floor to spontaneously combust.
“How about we go upstairs and burn them all?” asked Gloria, venomously.